(Excerpted from memoirs #14)
Shame, when experienced by those of us holding substantial privilege, is still shame. Having privilege does not invalidate this feeling, nor does it invalidate the discomfort and unhappiness that shame brings.
All of us, from the wealthiest to the most impoverished of us, fall short of our own and/or society’s expectations in some way. Most of us feel shame when we do. We carry this burden no matter how much our life “should” seem “easy” to those less fortunate than us.
Shame alone is difficult enough without piling the additional shame of “my problems are nothing compared to those less privileged than me” on top of it.
Sure, it pays to keep perspective, but use it to your advantage: Our fuck-ups, debts, addictions, etc. are certainly minor compared to the war and famine experienced by many of our brethren. But let that knowledge become a source of progress-oriented inspiration rather than despair.
What we want to do is diminish the following vicious cycle:
Here shame about some matter compounds shame we feel because we believe there are bigger problems—that we “shouldn’t” feel the shame or even have the problem to begin with due to privilege—which in turn feeds the initial shame. We can diminish this cycle by focusing on the initial shame; by saying “so what?” to the compounded feeling that privilege invalidates it.